Clearly Nebulous

Closing "The Office" Door

 

I was a little late to this party, too. I didn't start watching The Office until November of 2006 at the urging of my then college-age daughter, Julia. She had been telling me for months how much I was going to like it, so when she came to town to be there for the birth of her baby brother, she brought along the show's DVDs.

I lay in bed, hugely pregnant, and watched episode after episode. I was hooked. A new little world, found in a fictitious paper company in Scranton, PA, became a part of our weekly Thursday viewing.

Soon after, my husband and I tore ravenously through all the seasons of the original British version, and -- as different as it was -- enjoyed it a lot as well. We were devoted fans, seeking out interviews, extras, and news stories about our favorite dysfunctional "family."

 

And of course, who could resist watching Jim and Pam go from best friends to married parents of two?

Sure, the familiarity of the awkward situations was cringe-inducing. But they were performed so effortlessly with such comedic commitment, based on such excellent writing about characters that showed such vulnerability. The format, in which the characters talked directly to the cameras -- we couldn't help but feel a kinship with these average working folks.

And now it's over and I feel as though I have lost good friends -- as if they have moved away and I'll never see them again. Come on, it's only a tv show. Yeah, sure...

But it will always hold a special place in my heart if only for this reason: Remembering how the theme song soothed my newborn son -- apparently hearing it so many times right before he was born made an impact.

And every time I hear it from now on, I will feel that wee bit of melancholy for good times past...

 

Gosnells are Preying on our Daughters

The many aspects of the Gosnell case, and the implications of the guilty verdict, have been examined with great insight by so many.

Ramesh Ponnuru pointed out that the verdict should not be considered justice, and reminded us:

"The question that should haunt us now is not how many victims Gosnell killed, which we will never know, but how many more Gosnells there are in our country."

And Wesley J. Smith wrote how the problem with Gosnell is not simply that his clinic was unsanitary, but that he was part of a culture of infanticide:

"Many prominent voices believe that legal abortion amounts to a right to a dead fetus -- no matter how late in the pregnancy. Late term abortions, in turn, sometimes result in the killing or lethal neglect of born babies, e.g., infanticide."

And as horrific as the worst charges were in this case, there were hundreds more against Gosnell that are also very disturbing. Among others, there were 24 felony counts of violating Pennsylvania’s ban on abortions past the 24th week of pregnancy and 227 counts of violating Pennsylvania’s 24-hour waiting period for an abortion. And those are probably the tip of a massive iceberg. How many other abortionists recklessly flout protective laws with impunity?

Defying all reason, the reaction from pro-abortion groups has been that we must make safe legal abortions more available in this country. Said Kate Michelman:

"The tragic circumstances that led to women choosing to go to Gosnell’s clinic over reputable health service providers are a foreshadowing of the future if opponents of women’s reproductive rights succeed in legislating reproductive care clinics out of business... There will be many ‘Dr. Gosnell’s’ who will step into the void created by anti-abortion policies and take advantage of desperate women risking their lives."

Wait... what?! We're supposed to believe that "reputable health centers" don't already take advantage of desperate women? And are we supposed to believe this is ok simply because they have more sanitary conditions, so you know, we minimize the yuck factor?

Has Michelman et al not seen the videos obtained by Live Action? Not only are they revealing that there are other Gosnells to be found (even if they may have cleaner instruments), but in the past they have shown that clinics will turn a blind eye to obvious cases of statutory rape and sex selection abortions, and will lie about patients having been injured or even dying from the procedure:

 

 

The Gosnell case has brought to light that countless other abortion providers are not having their clinics inspected for health code violations (although maybe now there has been an awakening) -- but more appallingly there doesn't seem to be any enforcement of the laws that the pro-life movement has fought so hard for.

And who are the most vulnerable? Our daughters. While more underage girls are choosing to have their babies, they are still vulnerable to clinic workers who are more than happy -- even without any sign of potential abuse -- to instruct them on how to obtain a judicial bypass.

The abortion racket is by design a predatory industry that rationalizes its abusive practices -- and is given permission by pro-abortion forces -- in the guise that it is empowering, no matter what the cost. We must work to protect all women from their rapacious actions, but most urgently we must defend the most vulnerable -- our daughters.

 

 

Disney Listens to Moms and Daughters this Time

 

I'm a little late to this princess party, but this was something I took personally. I was a bit of a feisty tomboy with a princess streak growing up, and it's been interesting to watch where each of my six daughters has fallen on the spectrum. But like me, they weren't as concerned about how a heroine looked. It was about her character. We admired that each Disney princess was a strong, independent woman, even if she did end up falling for her Prince Charming.

Then along came Merida in the Oscar-winning "Brave." She was head and shoulders above the others in her determination no to be put on the typical princess track -- so much like my daughter, Deirdre. (Though she is not a fellow ginger, Deirdre even has the long curly -- often tameless -- locks that Merida has.) Now I was not a mom who shunned Barbie dolls or princess parties -- I'm teaching my girls that a woman can be smart and beautiful, rugged and feminine -- but it was disappointing to discover that Disney had given Merida a glam makeover.

The creator and co-director of "Brave" -- who thanked her daughter for being an inspiration when accepting the Academy Award for animated feature film -- called the makeover "atrocious." The new image also seemed in direct contrast to the promotional video that Disney put out at the same time entitled "I Am a Princess" that celebrates being "normal" while still doing great things.

Sure, you could argue that the new image was simply Merida a few years older. But how could you argue that a young girl who couldn't be bothered with the constraints of fashion would suddenly look like a runway model? She sprouted luxurious eyelashes, lost her normal-sized waistline -- and where the devil was her bow, quiver, and arrows?!

Now, being the strong, independent girl that she is, Deirdre rolled her eyes at this development and didn't let it bother her. But she agreed that we should still speak up and let Pixar and co. know that we feel they have betrayed the very essence of Merida's story. That the heroine of "Brave" is all about breaking the mold, not conforming to it.

And it seems Disney has responded to the backlash. If you go to her page on their website now, there is no sign of the made-over Merida. The original may look a little out of place in the line-up of doe-eyed princesses, but that's the way we like her. Power to the "normal" princesses.

UPDATE: Apparently the success of the petition regarding Merida by change.org has prompted them to take on another Disney princess. They are now asking that Mulan be returned to her normal appearance.

Pregnant and Parenting Teens: Propping vs. Promoting

Two weeks ago there was a headline about a North Carolina teen who was barred from having a picture with her 1-year-old son in her high school yearbook. The students had been encouraged to bring personal items to pose with, and Caitlin Tiller felt that her son was her greatest gift.

Teachers felt the picture would "send the wrong message" to other students. But Caitlin's message was a positive one: She felt her son had inspired her to graduate early and continue on to college. She told the local news station, "He helped me get to where I am today. I wouldn't be the person I am today without him."

 

This is the photo that Caitlin Tiller submitted that was objected to by teachers at her school.

 

Now we have a story out of Michigan that two teens are being told they need to retake their yearbook pictures to hide their baby bumps. Apparently the district superintendent feels it is necessary because of the state’s abstinence-based approach to sex education.

One of the girls made the point, “What’s the difference of letting me walk for graduation, letting me walk around the school? It’s the same thing."

This all reminds me of when I was attending a Catholic all-girls high school in the '80s and pregnant girls transferred into our school because they were kicked out of others. I remember thinking -- those Catholic institutions may actually be encouraging their students to secretly get abortions so they won't have to drop out. Not very pro-life.

But of course, it is a fine line to walk: Can we prop up those who have accepted the responsibility of their actions -- and are doing the best they can -- without simultaneously promoting teen pregnancy?

The good news is that our nation's efforts are working. Teen pregnancies and births are both down more than 40% since their peak in the early '90s. So I truly don't see how a few pictures will have that much of an effect.

As a conservative, I definitely prefer abstinence-based sex ed. And as a traditional feminist, I see nothing wrong with showing our support for those young women who are continuing to pursue their education. We can send the message that pregnancy and parenting -- while not the best paths to take as a teen, and ones that are best avoided until marriage -- are not a dead end. It will be a tougher journey, but we will be there to help them make their way.

New Frontiers

As luck would have it, I have been graciously asked to contribute to The Home Front blog on the National Review website. 

The blog is billed as "Politics, culture, and American life — from the family perspective." It has contributions from nationally known writers all the way down to mommy bloggers like me. The website is the online presence for a leading conservative magazine, highly respected with a strong reputation for its thorough and fair analysis. I am honored to be amongst their fine writers (which, yes, includes my husband).

I imagine that will be where a lot of my blogging will wind up, as I tend to write about the impact of current issues on motherhood and families.

But I will be cross-posting, and there will be other content that will be found exclusively here. It's all about getting a little more serious about this writing thing.

So for a quick daily shot of all things family-related, check out the Front. Hope to see you there.

The First 5 Things I'm Teaching My Daughters about Motherhood

 

... that I'm also encouraging them to share with their friends.

First, wait to have sex until you are truly ready for parenthood with the baby's father for the child's entire lifetime. Yes, I'm jumping right in. I have approached this topic saying they should consider what they will do when they get pregnant not if. Nature finds a way sooner or later. If they aren't prepared for the ways their lives will change, to co-parent with that young man -- or have the child fulfill the dreams of adoptive parents -- then they shouldn't be having sex.

Ok, now that we have that out of the way...

Second (in case you don't follow my first suggestion) -- no matter when it happens, no matter the circumstances, motherhood is a blessing. The gift of a child is worth all the sacrifice and heartache. Since there are never perfect circumstances for welcoming children, make the best of things whenever they arrive. The solutions to the problems you might be facing can be difficult, but they will be worth going through in order to have that child in your life.

Third, the best way to begin the journey of being a good mother is to find a man who will be a good father. Yes, there are many factors to consider when finding a spouse, but if you are planning on becoming a mother, find someone who is on the same page regarding parenting. Make sure he values a family the way you do, that he will welcome any children that come your way, and that he will be a full partner in parenting those children.

 

I dove right in to motherhood -- it has had its ups and downs, but it's been a wonderful adventure.

 

Fourth, you will never be ready for parenthood, no matter how much you plan ahead. Yes, I know what I said above. But too many young women forestall having children until everything is perfect. That is never going to happen, and in the meantime you're setting yourself up for disappointment. The sacrifices and heartaches are unavoidable. Embrace the chaos and find the joy within.

And fifth, enter motherhood with your mind and your heart wide open. Start now, even if you are years away from becoming a mother, to appreciate that you will be learning as you go with a unique individual. You can learn a lot by observing other moms, including me, to get ideas what you will or will not do in raising your child/ren. But your path will have all kinds of unexpected twists and turns. An open mind and heart offers a flexibility that will make the road a lot easier.

I know I didn't come up with these ideas on my own. I don't remember a specific conversation with my own mother about these ideas -- but I know she instilled in me an appreciation for the gift of motherhood. And for that, I thank her. It has been my greatest blessing.

 

FDA Thinks It Knows Your Daughters Better Than You...

...and completely ignores what we all know about predators, not to mention teenage boys.

In the shadow of the Gosnell tragedy that is finally getting some light even from the Left, this may seem like a small issue. But this is huge.

Currently, HHS Secretary Kathleen Sebelius's recommendation that Plan B not be made available over the counter has led the Department of Justice to block a judge's order to allow it for sale to minors. President Obama has supported Sebelius, saying that "as the father of two daughters" he agrees with her concerns. (But, of course, he has also said he doesn't want his daughters "punished with a baby.") Whether or not they are really concerned about the vulnerability of young girls, or are simply pleasing some interest group, one can only speculate.

Pro-abortion advocates are predictably displeased with the decision, with cries that the administration is allowing politics to trump science. They claim that Plan B is about protecting women's health.

"Despite the scare tactics and misinformation campaigns being waged by the Catholic hierarchy and others who oppose allowing women to access contraception, Plan B is not the abortion pill (sometimes known as RU-486), and it will not interrupt a pregnancy."

As usual, in addition to downplaying the possible side effects, they step around the fact that fertilization can still occur, and that tiny new life is then blocked from implanting. How many girls who might have a problem with that are going to be aware?

 

As of now, it appears President Obama is backing up HHS Sec Sebelius. Will the Dept of Justice work as hard as it can to protect young women and parental rights?

 

But of course, most importantly, they ignore the role of doctors, not just in recognizing overuse of the drug, but also in recognizing and reporting the possibility of statutory rape or incest.

Anna Franzonello wrote in length on The Corner about all the possible caveats of allowing young girls free access to this non-prescription for disaster.

"Research that shows that teens are often preyed upon by older men. The 2004 report “Statutory Rape: A Guide to State Laws and Reporting Requirements,” prepared for the Office of the Assistant Secretary for Planning and Evaluation at HHS, noted that half of children born to minors are fathered by adult men..."

Franzonello also points out that young girls are more prone to sexually transmitted diseases (some of which seem to be on the rise) as they are lulled into a false sense of security. The drug's use hasn't even made much of a difference.

"Advocates... have also overstated its effectiveness. Recent studies suggest that Plan B 'prevent[s] fewer pregnancies than reported by the [World Health Organization].' Even proponents of so-called 'emergency contraception' are acknowledging that 'increased use [of Plan B] has not reduced rates of unintended pregnancies.' "

It may serve the pro-abortion lobby to only recognize the role of parenting when they want mom or dad's insurance to cover contraceptives and abortion until the age of 26 -- but we know our children. We know we are the ones most interested in their welfare. No abortion agenda can change that. Let's support the HHS and the DoJ in this effort.

 

 

 

An Open Letter to the Liberals I Know and Love

The internet is an imperfect medium. When you are being heartfelt and earnest -- well, sometimes it's hard to convey that intent, even with a slew of emoticons. :)

So I fear that some folks are convinced that (esp'ly when it comes to politics) I am always a blustering blowhard. But is that fair? And isn't fairness one of the most important things to strive for in the political arena?

It seems too many people have shut out anyone professing a conservative point of view, equating them with the likes of Rush Limbaugh and company. Now, sincerely I ask, have you ever thought that about me when talking in person about anything non-political? Or when commiserating about issues on which I lean to the left?

Then why treat me otherwise when I am expressing a conservative opinion? I have been called arrogant, a sleazy liar and told that what I have to say is "crap." This when simply offering a dissenting viewpoint, while backing it up reputable sources.

Why is trying to correct misinformation viewed as bullying or bloviating?

 

All the emoticons in the world won't always convey a writer's true intent.

 

Yes, I know, I have this reputation as "thinking I am always right." Well, don't we all? Or more accurately, shouldn't we all? Shouldn't we all be very sure of what we are saying?

In response to being teased as a kid, I liked getting 100% on tests. I liked getting the positive attention from adults. But that was no accident. I studied hard, striving for perfection.

It's no different today. I know I'm going to be challenged on every political stance I take, and so I do my homework. Time constraints with a busy family mean I won't be as perfect as I once was, but I still aim for accuracy.

And thankfully I have a husband who does the bulk of my economic studying for me. He's as ethical as can be, and knows his reputation is at stake. He makes sure he can back up what he writes about, and answers every challenge from the likes of the Washington Post and The New York Times.

So I guess what I'm asking for here is please -- give me the benefit of the doubt. When I say something, please don't assume a shrill posture.

This is me. I know you and love you all. Can't we just talk about these things? 

 

Checking Out, Checking In

So a few changes were made around here last month.

I canceled my subscription to the Washington Post. One of the reasons I read it everyday was so that I could get a liberal leaning perspective that was fair-minded. That went out the window with the most recent election, so... (More to come on exactly what I found so objectionable.)

So my "I read the perspective from both sides" cred goes out the window. But liberals I know didn't seem to find any value in my quest for balance. They dismissed the reputable conservative leaning source I also read daily as "blatantly slanted." So why bother trying to please them? 

I beg to differ about that conservative site, but they might be happy to know I'm currently not reading it either. I have eschewed print, internet or tv coverage of any kind. I felt I had to turn my focus on my family, and so it's been a basic blackout.

Of course, some things seep in. I returned to Facebook after a few weeks, and Twitter the next. Sometimes I will click on a headline, but it's usually a quick scan then on to the next. The events of the past few days were unavoidable, though I still tried to limit my exposure...

 

Also stopped watching SNL. I stuck with it thru thick and thin since its inception. It just got to be too much...

 

I've got a lot done around here. And I have found peace of mind. But as I have said, I still need to have this outlet -- however, there are some new ground rules.

I have tried in the past not to be too snarky, confrontational, etc -- but, of course, sometimes I failed. I was sucked in, bought into it, tried to fight fire with fire, whatever. But no more.

This is intended to be a forum where people feel safe to express their opinions. However, it is not intended to be an echo chamber. I still encourage disagreement, opposing points of view, and "hey, what abouts."

But I will not tolerate name calling, derision, or profanity. Anyone who wants to suggest I turn off my comments, or not respond to comments, or not delete comments I find offensive -- you can go elsewhere. This is not the place for you.

I know some think all that kind of blather is perfectly acceptable, but this is my blog and I sets the rules. Those of you who agree and choose to participate -- thanks for your support.

Let's get the conversation going... 

 

On Being Brought to One's Knees

Yeah, I admit it. I can be a bit dramatic. Things that most people let roll off their back I suffer over. I'm not the kind to stay up all night with worry, but I definitely take too much to heart and let things bother me.

But then again, I can also be a bit of a Pollyanna. Hopelessly optimistic. I've been very lucky in my life, avoiding any major tragedies (knock wood), so who am I to complain?

Then something comes along that literally brings me to my knees. It's why this blog sat dormant for so long, even during another contentious campaign. Believe me, I had plenty of opinions I expressed (just ask my friends and family on Facebook!) but I had no energy left to write any more as I faced the biggest challenge of my life.

And here I go -- with maybe Irish guilt? -- making excuses that it really hasn't been that bad. Surely not as scary as our friends whose daughter has leukemia. Certainly not as bad as the friends whose daughter almost lost her liver in a suicide attempt. Parents face much worse trials every day. I should be grateful, right?

 

I am. Especially for my husband who is a rock (though he will say this has been the hardest thing, too). To the six of my children (and one great son-in-law) who have been witness to things they never should have, and have helped out and comforted me at times when it should have been the other way around. And to the family and friends who have offered their their prayers and good thoughts.

But I also know that this takes a toll on me every day. Every day that my daughter is away -- even though I know it's because she is getting the care she needs -- I feel the loss of her. How can I do anything but concentrate on getting her better?

And yet, it has become clear that I need to refocus some energy. I have been working out and putting my house in order, literally and figuratively, but I also need a creative outlet.

And so I'm back. Ker-splash... again.